28 November 2009 - From the Home Office.
The Home Office is pleased--no, pleased is too tame a word--ecstatic to announce the promotion of the Beloved Spousal Equivalent to Beloved Spouse in a brief and less than solemn ceremony at approximately 4:30 PM EST, during the third period of the Pens-Islanders game. (Which the Pens lost 3-2.) The reception was held immediately following at Famous Dave's.
No one should feel slighted if you did not receive prior notice; no one did. The Parental Units and Sole Heir were in attendance, knowing not why they were there until the moment of truth. The bride wore a yellow tee shirt with "Bride" emblazoned across the front, creating a motif for the entire party: The Parental Units shirts announced "Mother" and Father;" The Sole Heir was identified as "Daughter;" and Yours Truly was the "Groom."
The ceremony followed a Monty Python and the Holy Grail theme, as the celebrants wrote their own vows, perfectly willing to admit previous marriages that sank into the swamp, or, in more recent examples, burned down, fell over, and sank into the swamp.
Really. No kidding. All of the above is true.