Fox News (Fair and Balanced) announced at 8:23 AM Eastern Time that their exit polls are projecting not only that the Democrats will lose every election today, but that angry mobs with torches will spontaneously gather outside the candidates' homes after the polls close.
On CNN, Lou Dobbs, behind the curve as usual, blamed everything on immigrants. "This country was heaven on earth before the Indians and immigrants screwed it up," Dobbs said.
Geraldo Rivera is in North Korea, interviewing one of Kim Jong Il's concubines, and was unavailable for comment.
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