Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Not a Tough Call

The Home Office is in the throes of relocating, with closing on the new and improved Home Office scheduled to take place on February 22. Toward that end, my current landlord requires written notice of my intent not to renew my lease. What follows is that notice, to be hand delivered this Saturday.

Community Manager
The Lighthouse at Twin Lakes
Beltsville MD 20705

Dear Ms. _____,

What follows is a brief chronology of my tenure at The Lighthouse at Twin Lakes:

March, 2003 – Moved in.

November, 2003 – Leak in kitchen ceiling requires all food and most pots and pans to reside in living room for over three weeks.

March, 2004 – Renewed lease; rent increase.

November, 2004 – Leak in half-bath ceiling requires ripping holes in two walls and ceiling, leaving infrastructure exposed for almost a month.

March, 2005 – Renewed lease; rent increase, plus additional trash fee.

August, 2005 – Returned from vacation to find up to two weeks’ worth of dirty water on floor of full bath. Almost five weeks goes by, with two walls and ceiling of full bath and three walls and ceiling of half bath torn open.

December 2005 – Receive notice that I am welcome to stay as a Lighthouse tenant, but my rent will be increased for the privilege of getting to pay for my heating gas, which will make for a hefty housing cost increase to absorb while waiting for the annual leak. I am also offered the option of a “free” full cleaning (to remove the drywall dust I still find in unexpected places), a “free” carpet cleaning (to remove the traces of drywall ground into the carpets), or a “free” accent wall (hopefully not one you’d have to rip out to find the annual leak).

January 2, 2006 – Kitchen ceiling springs leak during Rose Parade, requiring relocation of food and utensils to the living room.

February 7, 2006 – Running the garbage disposal, George Foreman Grill, and computer simultaneously is too much for the wiring. Breaker trips, halting meal preparation and crashing computer. The drain from the kitchen sink also backed up into the half bath before the crash, leaving half an inch of garbage-laden water on the bathroom floor. I swear to God this is a true story.

Future events at 11920 Twin Lakes, Apartment 1:

March 15, 2006 – The keys will be returned. I have decided not to take you up on your generous offer to stay here for another year. I just hope I can get out before the entire dump falls apart around me, like the Blues Brothers’ car in the movie.


Yours Truly.

I wasn't expecting much of my deposit back, anyway.

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