God Hates Me

The Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka, KS is notorious for picketing military and police funerals to protest the acceptance of homosexuals and other blasphemous behavior in America. In their own words, they protest at funerals “To warn the people who are still living that unless they repent, they will likewise perish….[A funeral is] the perfect time to warn them of things to come. Is it mean, hateful, uncompassionate, etc.? I'm sure it is, according to your standards. However, according to my standards, it would be infinitely more mean, hateful, uncompassionate, etc., to keep my mouth shut and not warn you that you, too, will soon have to face God.” (From the FAQ page at www.godhatesfags.com.)

Next month they’ll picket Walt Whitman High School in Bethesda, MD because Whitman was a homosexual. Honest to God. Later that day they’ll head up the road to the Federal Courthouse in Baltimore to protest President Obama, who they call the Anti-Christ. (I used some strong language when describing his predecessor, but “Anti-Christ” is a bit much, even for me.)

A couple of us are considering taking half a day off for a field trip. The Orioles play Texas that night, so we could make it a double header in Baltimore. If we really felt ambitious, we could hit all three.

I have no desire to be overly confrontational. There is one question I’d like to ask while they’re standing there, self-admittedly preaching hate. Is this is what Jesus would do?

Then I’ll go back across the street and wave my “Veterans for the Anti-Christ” sign. What the hell. As a fag enabler (their term), I’m doomed already.

Stalling Your Career

The Burgh Correspondent asked what the big deal was about the Senator Larry Craig fiasco, wondering if it might have just been a misunderstanding over needing more toilet paper. I'm not sure how I feel about being her go-to guy on cruising etiquette, but I was able to summon up a few thoughts.

I don’t know a lot about the cruising habits of homosexuals in restrooms, but I expect that cop does. It’s his job. (I wonder who he pissed off to get that gig.)

What I do know is this:

1. Guys who need toilet paper don’t use hand gestures to request it; we ask.
2. Those were either really tight stalls, or he has a wider stance than Shaquille O’Neal.
3. After six or seven weeks of contemplation, the distinguished Senator from Idaho pled guilty.
4. He didn’t mention it to anyone, which an innocent man would have done.
5. Rumors have floated around him 25 years, ever since he went out of his way to profess his innocence during a congressional page scandal that no one accused him of being involved in.
6. While no one (except maybe a few of his conservative peers) cares that he’s gay, a lot of people care that he’s a hypocritical asshole, who would happily vote in favor of public flogging for someone (else) convicted of his offense.

I just wish this had taken place closer to the election, so a few more of his holier than thou conservative brethren could go down the tubes with him.