After Action Report 21 August 2025

 Yesterday I went to downtown Washington DC to see firsthand the effect, if any, of having the National Guard and federal law enforcement supplement the DC police in the most touristed area of the city: the National Mall. Estimated walking distance from onthegomap.com: 6.61 miles. (Editor’s note: I am too old for this shit. Next time I get such a brilliant idea I’m going to drink a frosty cold glass of Sit the Fuck Down until it passes. Or a piping hot mug, depending on the season.)

 I don’t know that I accomplished much apart from satisfying my own curiosity and showing about a dozen people old white man are not all MAGA assholes. Highlights included, in no particular order:

·       I spoke to 12 National Guard troops on the Mall. Regardless of what we think of 47’s decision to put them there, all of them were polite and friendly young men who were happy to talk to me. They represent us well and we should be proud to have such fine young men in our service.

·       When I ask if their current duty was the kind of thing they signed up for, the majority declined to comment, often citing “operation security.” I get that. I was among the first to be trained in co-ed companies back in 1980. 60 Minutes came on the base to conduct interviews. My company was called into formation, where SSG Willie Green gave us the following pep talk: “Those TV people may ask you your opinion. Your opinion is, you gots no opinion. Dismissed.” There are rights you sign away when joining the military. The Army is very clear about that, and I get it. I respected those Guardsmen’s position and did not push.

·       One commented that this was what he signed up for, “to see the country. I’m loving this.” When I asked about the specific task, he cited operational security.

·       A soldier from West Virginia remarked on what a beautiful city Washington is, and how he’ll be back.

·       My favorite response to “Is this the kind of duty you signed up for when you enlisted” was, “Absolutely……..not.”

·       I saw no federal law enforcement outside of a Capitol Police K-9 officer patrolling the grounds and two DHS police officers talking to a couple of Amtrak cops in Union Station.

·       I saw 46 National Guards I did not speak to, either because of distance or walking in the wrong direction.

·       Six young men who were obviously military were sightseeing on their day off and having a ball.

·       I encountered only two DC cops. One drove by on his motorcycle. The other gave me directions when I asked. She, too, could not have been nicer.

·       I spoke with a handful of Guardsmen at the Union Station Metro and learned they’re being put up in local hotels. I have to wonder how much of this “emergency deployment” is a way to get hoteliers off the Administration’s back by replacing some of their lost tourist revenue with National Guards.

·       I saw quite a few uniformed troops while eating lunch in Union Station’s food court, but all but a handful were either eating or carrying bags of food. Those who were not were being escorted in the direction of the food court by an Amtrak cop.

·       Not a trace of ICE.

·       A major surprise: At least half the people I saw walking around as tourists spoke Spanish to each other.

·       This one’s for you, Charlie Stella: I followed the sounds of sirens, thinking there might be police activity. What I found were half a dozen Palestinian protesters with noise generators, banging on pots and pans to protest events in Gaza. I went round to all of them to give a thumbs up and shake hands.

·       A park ranger at the Vietnam Memorial said he didn’t feel any more, or less, safe with the National Guard in town. He did say the memorial was popular with the uniformed Guards..

The end result is I’m tired and I’m sore and I don’t think I accomplished anything except for spreading goodwill to a dozen or so people and working off some of my own frustrations. On the other hand, I did find three restrooms on the Mall for future reference, which is a big deal for a man with a prostate five months shy of seventy years old and taking medication that encourages – no, demands – frequent urination.

Not a Problem, an Opportunity

The State of Maryland has its shorts in a knot over an unintended side effect of the Supreme Court’s declaration that DC’s handgun ban was unconstitutional. Now that people can buy and own guns in the District of Columbia, there is only one licensed gun dealer. Since federal law prohibits buying a gun in a state in which the buyer is not a resident, Congress responded by passing a law that allowed DC residents to buy their guns in Maryland or Virginia.

Virginia has no problem with this. Most illegal DC handguns probably came from Virginia via straw man purchases in the first place. The new law just allows them to stop feigning indignation every time someone points it out.

Maryland is upset. The state claims it lacks the resources to do all the background checks, especially since the new ones will require searches of DC records, which are as well organized as straws in a windstorm. Times are tough in Maryland, too, and the state lacks the revenue to maintain services for its own residents. Adding the DC burden is going to be a real problem.

On the other hand, why should Virginia gun dealers get all the extra business, and Virginia all the extra sales tax revenues? There is a simple solution: charge a fee for each records search needed to buy a gun. You pay for title searches on your house. All states finance their departments of motor vehicles through license and registration fees. Why should this specific service be exempt? The only people with a need to have background checks done are gun buyers. Why should all Maryland residents, many of whom do not own guns, have to pay for those who do, especially if they are from out of state?

Staff an office adequate to the task, and charge the gun dealer for each records check. The dealer may then pass the cost along to his customers, or not, as he wishes. It’s the free enterprise system at work.

Such a Deal I Have for You

The Home Office received a piece of junk – er, unsolicited mail yesterday. I’m sharing it to show not only politicians are out of touch with reality in the metropolitan Washington, DC area.

The front of the tri-fold mailer invites me to “Come Enjoy the Best of Both Virginia’s!” I immediately wondered, “Who’s Virginia?” and, “Both of her whats?” This looked promising until I saw the mail was from Ryan Homes. The housing market is bad, but offering up both of Virginia’s whatevers to close a deal seemed extreme, especially when I thought of what most home sales representatives look like. (Not what they think, or act as if they look like. “Both Virginia’s” could refer to chins, for all I know.)

The inside screams WHY ARE YOU RENTING??? The reader is informed that single family homes start at just $1,396 per month; town homes from just $1,118 per month. Each claim is followed by asterisks galore, referring you to the disclaimers at the bottom of the page, presuming the purchase of a stripped-down home I hope includes exterior walls and a roof. One hundred percent financing is also assumed; apparently developers haven’t got the word about the sub-prime lending crisis.

Closer inspection reveals these attractive features: your brand new home will be within seven miles of the commuter train, from where it is “just a 1 ½ hour train ride to DC!!!” (“Just” is a key word in such brochures, as are exclamation points and asterisks directing you to small print. Example: Payments as low as 3 cents a minute!!!*

* - based on an average month of 43,200 minutes.)

Here’s the deal: you drive ten to fifteen minutes to get to the station, where you’ll wait for a train before spending ninety minutes of your life (Just $2.70 in mortgage payments!!!) to ride to Union Station, where you can walk, take Metro, or hail a cab to work. At the end of the day, the same in reverse. This is at least four hours a day just getting to and from work. That leaves the rest of your day to get dressed, eat dinner, and watch one episode of “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” assuming you have any left to curb.

The area codes give them away: 304. West Virginia. The best of both Virginias they’re talking about means you can live in Appalachia, only passing through the execution capital of the world on your way to and from work. That’s what’s worth $1,396 a month. Just $7.20 in mortgage payments for each day’s commute. And people will jump on them.

You can’t make this shit up.

Oh, yeah. Happy New Year.