But They Probably Know Dick Cheney’s Undisclosed Location

Fox News has a hard-earned reputation for faulty research and negligible fact checking. Now it appears their virtually invisible standards have moved into the sports department.

During Saturday’s Yankees-Tigers game, Tim McCarver—who needs no help from researchers to say something stupid—noted that Derek Jeter was close to becoming only the seventh player to get 3,000 hits for the same team. That didn’t sound right to me, so I did one Google search (3,000 hits same team) and took the first hit that came up.

Here’s the actual list:

Paul Waner,  Honus Wagner, Roberto Clemente, Stan Musial, Carl Yastrzemski, Cal Ripken, Jr., George Brett, Robin Yount, Tony Gwynn, Al Kaline.

For those of you scoring at home, that’s ten.

(Note three Pirates on the list. Yes, Virginia, there was a time when Pittsburgh did baseball right.)

Game Five

Game Five wasn’t much apart from watching the Phillies blow AJ Burnett out by the third inning and their sphincter-tightening efforts to blow the game. (Is it just me, or does Burnett always look like he’s about to either cry, or try to rip your head off?)

Now the real fun starts: second-guessing the managers. Girardi has taken advantage of the leisurely pace of postseason scheduling to ride three starters, mainly because he only has three starters he trusts. That’s fine for the first two rounds, as Fox’s added days off make keeping pitchers busy harder than keeping them fresh. The Series still uses the traditional format, which means bringing Sabathia back on three days’ rest means Burnett and Pettitte have to do it, too, or Chad Gaudin need to start Game Five. This minimizes the effectiveness of working Sabathia three times, since the pitcher who loses a start isn’t Gaudin, it’s Pettitte. Not much of a gain for such risk.

So everyone gets three days rest. Maybe it affected Burnett; maybe not. What’s quantifiable is that he got lit up, and now it’s up to Pettitte to close it out or let the Series got o Game Seven. Pettitte actually prefers five days rest instead of the usual four, and wasn’t sharp his last time out, though he still got the win. Bringing him back on three is a definite gamble. Yankees fans have the comfort of Sabathia pitching in Game Seven, but take a look at the record. They’re 1-1 in his two starts so far, and he’s 0-1. He’s pitched well (3.29 ERA, 1.24 WHIP, 12-6 strikeouts to walks), but it’s not like Girardi will be sending Sandy Koufax or Bob Gibson to the mound to validate his strategy.

At least Girardi knows he’s made a decision and can put things in his best pitcher’s hands. It will be Cole Hamels’s turn to pitch for Game Seven, and he’s been, to put it politely, terrible. Yakked up a lead so quick in Game Three Penn and Teller couldn’t have got the bullpen involved in time. Then he was quoted after the game as saying he can’t wait for this season to be over. Maybe he’s just frustrated and it slipped out wrong. It can’t make Charlie Manuel too secure to know his potential season-saving pitcher isn’t sure he wants to be there. At least he has an option: J.A. Happ was probably Philadelphia’s best pitcher down the stretch, apart from Lee. Problem is, with the spread out schedule, Happ hasn’t started in a month,

I told the beloved Spousal Equivalent I’d officially declare a man crush on Chase Utley if he hit another home run about five minutes before he hit another home run. I just hope he washes his hands after he touches his hair if we’re going to shake, or I’ll spill more beer than I drink from the glasses slipping out of my hands.

Joe Buck needs his depth perception checked. He repeatedly announces pop-ups on balls that are caught near the warning track. It’s like he’s channeling Harry Caray.

A-Rod Watch – two for four, three RBI. His Series average is up to .222. Fair’s fair, and he was on his game last night.

Game Five Tim McCarver Moment – It’s harder to get three strikes than it is to get two.

Game Five Tim McCarver Moment (Honorable Mention) – “In case you’re wondering why he’s pinch hitting Posada in the fifth inning, it’s so he can get an extra at bat out of him, as opposed to waiting for the seventh or eighth.” You might want to mention that Molina only played because he’s Burnett’s pet catcher, and is a defensive specialist. The Yanks were down 6-1; they needed lumber.

Game Four

Girardi rolled the dice and won. Sabathia wasn’t lights out (10 base runners in 6.2 innings for a WHIP of 1.49), but was good enough. He can’t wait for the Series to end so he doesn’t have to pitch to Chase Utley anymore.

Manuel rolled the dice, too, in a different way, and did okay. Cliff Lee had never started on three days’ rest, and he already had 260+ innings on his arm this year. If Manuel started him and he blew up, there was no good fallback position. Blanton was fine after a shaky first inning; he wasn’t the reason the Phillies lost. (Brad Lidge, Brad Lidge, Brad Lidge.)

Fox has gone overboard with their heavy-handed approach to making MLB kiss their asses. The first three games of the Series started at 7:57. Last night they said they’d be on after The OT, their NFL post-game show. Football games all finish in the 7:15-7:30 time frame, the OT runs, and Curt, Terry, Howie, Michael, and Jimmy spend ten minutes bullshitting to get us to 8:00, when the baseball pre-game show started. It lasted twenty minutes, with no segment longer than two before commercial interruption. First pitch was actually 8:22. Television used to allow viewers the illusion they were showing commercials to pay for the programming. Now they’ve abandoned all pretense. Shows are broadcast because the suits don’t think they can get us to watch nothing but commercials for hours at a time. They would if they could, though.

Fox’s insistence on pushing baseball back into the November sweeps period raises an interesting question: What will they do if conditions dictate a World Series game on the night of a presidential election? Not cover the election? Or make baseball take yet another day off?

The late start must have pushed the game beyond home plate umpire Mike Everitt’s bed time. Anything close might as well have been decided with a coin toss. No consistency at all. His no call, then half-assed safe signal on Ryan Howard’s game-tying second inning run—where Howard missed the plate and Everitt appeared to know it—was disgraceful.

Posada didn’t hold the ball; Howard missed the plate. The correct call is what Everitt did at first: nothing. He’s neither safe nor out. Posada knew he hadn’t made the tag, assumed Howard was safe, and threw to second to try to get the trail runner. Howard walked off the field. Everitt saw him leaving, and gave a sorta kinda “safe” signal. Howard should have been called out when he got to the dugout. Everitt apparently didn’t want a big argument from the Phillies, and figured the Yankees were good with it, as Posada neglected to go after Howard. And they pay Everitt for this.

McCarver wondered why Posada gave Sabathia multiple signs, even when there was no runner on second. A better question would have been, why was he flashing signs at all? Posada went out to talk to him after virtually every pitch for some batters.

A-Rod watch – A double and hit by pitch in five plate appearances. Run scored, run batted in, and a strikeout. Series average: .143.

Game Four Tim McCarver Moment - Comparing Posada to Tom Brady because he was “calling audibles” during his countless trips to the mound.

Game Three

Charlie Manuel suffered a manager's nightmare last night. Starting pitcher cruising, team has a few runs in his pocket, and he blows up so quickly there's no time to get anyone ready before the lead is gone and then some. Who would have figured Hamels to pitch 3 1/2 hitless innings, then give up five runs and not make it through the fifth?

I'll put up a million dollars to anyone who can hit the sign if I get to put my sign where Visa put theirs. Mark McGwire in his juiced-up prime couldn't hit that sign with a bazooka.

The game asn't as exciting as the line score would indicate. Most of the scoring came on home runs, which can be fun, but the real fun is watching pitchers work out of jams and see players running the bases.

A-Rod watch - twice hit by pitch, one walk, a home run, a strikeout, and a throwing error. It was nice to see the umpires get the call right on his home run, even if they had to use instant replay to do it.

Pettitte and Hamels both showed by the DH is an abomination is the sight of God by helping themselves with the bat. Hamels had a sacrifice, and the Yankees misplayed another sacrifice into a base hit. Pettitte has a solid single to drive in a run, but, man, is he a piss poor base runner.
Pitchers should be able to contribute in all ways, just like everyone else. Pitchers wh can handle the bat are penalized by the DH, as are their teams.

This was the twelfth game played by each team since the season ended October 4. The Yankees couldn't have ordered up a better schedule, given their lack of starting pitching and Girardi's lack of faith in anyone but Rivera in the bullpen. Congress spent more time in session last month.

Congratualtions to Andy Pettitte for increasing his record with his 17th post-season win. If he gets into the Hall of Fame, it will be on his post-season credentials. No one's been better for longer.

Game Three Tim McCarver Moment - Reminding everyone to turn their clocks ahead, or they'll be late for Sunday's games. First, clocks were turned back last night. Second, even if you did forget, you'd be an hour early, since they were supposed to be turned back in the first place.

Game Three Tim McCarver Moment (Honorable Mention) - Saying Jimmy Rollins came from the second base side of second base to take a pickoff throw. A shift was on, and shortstop Rollins was playing to the right of second, but there ain't no second base side of second. Maybe if you're standing on the bag.

Sabathia comes back on three says' rest tonight, just like in the old days. This could be the pivotal mangerial move of the Series.

Game Two

Yankees won last night, so not a lot of merriment. Another pitcher’s duel. No complaints about that; pitcher’s duels are often compelling, as every event is magnified, since there’s no expectation of getting another chance later like there might be in an 11-10 game.

AJ Burnett threw first pitch fastballs for strikes to just about every batter. He did this in his first ALCS appearance and beat the Angels. They were ready in his second outing and scored four runs on his first twelve pitches before he adjusted. Did the Phillies’ scouts watch the ALCS? Phillies hitters took Strike One all night when they should have been looking dead red from time they left the on-deck circle.

Is A-Rod a pleasure to watch, or what? Three more strikeouts last night, though he did finally get a ball out of the infield. (Medium-deep fly to left.) Oh-for-eight so far in the Series. Remember the comments about Chase Utley’s two Game One home runs being the first time a left-handed hitter has hit two off a left-handed pitcher since Babe Ruth in 1928? Well, A-Rod made his own move for immortality last night. Only one other player has struck out three times in two consecutive Series games: Jim Lonborg, in 1967. A pitcher. With a .136 lifetime average back in the day when even the American League played Real Baseball. Another hat trick tomorrow and A-Rod’s place in history is secure.

The Game Two Tim McCarver Moment – Jimmy Rollins on first, running with the pitch. Shane Victorino singles to right. Melky Cabrera changes the ball and fires a strike to third to hold Rollins at second. McCarver’s analysis includes a rambling tale of how former Dodger outfielder Ron Fairly told him once the surest way to keep a runner from going first to third is to have the right fielder charge the ball, as his momentum is moving in the direction of the throw. No offence to Ron Fairly, who was a fine player in his day, but Tim needed help to figure that out, and was so impressed at Fairly’s acumen he credited him for the tip? Maybe Fairly bought one of McCarver’s CDs. The only one.

The Game Two Tim McCarver Moment (Honorable Mention) – Now Rollins and Victorino are on second and first, respectively. Chase “Doing Things No Left-Handed Batter Since Babe Ruth Has Done” Utley runs the count to 3-2. McCarver says the runners have to go. They don’t, and Utley hits into a double play. McCarver then goes on to rail about how the runners had to go. Down two runs in the eighth inning, Rivera on the mound, stay out of the double play. Sure there’s the chance of a strike-him-out-throw-him-out double play, but Utley is a contact hitter.

Whoa. Chase Utley is a fine hitter and I’m happy to wash his cars for him after his Game One heroics, but he is not a contact hitter. He struck out 110 times this year. Not Ryan Howard or Jose Hernandez levels, but he ain’t Rod Carew or Richie Ashburn, either. Over his career, Utley strikes out about every fifth at bat. On the other hand, he only hit into five double plays all year, about one every 114 at bats. Which was he more likely to do? Well, that’s why they play the games. I would’ve sent them, too; Rivera doesn’t mess with holding runners. (Most great pitchers don’t. They get the batter out. He’s the one can hurt you.) That doesn’t make Manuel wrong; it just blew up on him.

Game One

Comments on World Series Game One:

Cliff Lee and Chase Utley are now the Official Favorite Players of The Home Office, at least until after tonight’s game.

It’s nice to see some things never change. The sun rises in the east, water runs downhill, and Alex Rodriguez chokes like Jenna Jameson with tonsillitis when the games get big enough. (Three strikeouts and a weak ground ball to third.)

The Phillies won the game in the first inning, even though they didn’t score, by making C.C. Sabathia throw over 20 pitches. No way he’d get a complete game, and the Yankees bullpen is as reliable as Colin Powell speaking to the United Nations.

When will people figure out Yankees’ GM Brian Cashman is the most overrated person in sports? Ten years of unlimited budgets and he’s never put together a bullpen to support Mariano Rivera, who he inherited. How many key players have the Yankees drafted since Cashman took over? Cano. (Maybe.) Phil Hughes? Sucks. Joba the Hutt? Sucks. Don’t talk about Teixiera or Sabathia or Burnett (who can suck mightily on occasion) or any of the other free agents he signed. It doesn’t take the second coming of Branch Rickey to know Tex was the best player available last winter and Sabathia was the best pitcher. Baseball gets a salary cap and Cashman’s Yankees are the Washington Nationals North.

Joe Girardi has even less confidence in his bullpen than Charlie Manuel has in his. Girardi went through five pitchers to get six outs in the eighth and ninth innings, trying to match up on every batter. Wait till he gets to Philadelphia, where they play real baseball, and he has to worry about the pitcher batting.

Play of the Game – Jimmy Rollins catching Robinson Cano’s pop-up right at ground level after almost letting it drop. Base runner Hideki Matsui didn’t know whether to have sushi or wind his watch while Rollins and Ryan Howard combined to get a double play out of five possible outs. (The five? 1. Rollins caught the ball in the fly to get Cano. Even if he hadn’t caught the ball, he stepped on second to force Matsui (2) then threw to first in time to get Cano (3). Throwing to first doubled off Matsui (4), since Rollins did catch the ball; Howard tagged Matsui while off the base, which counts whether Rollins catches the ball or not.) It still took the umpires five minutes to figure out how they did it and get the call right.

The Game One Tim McCarver Moment—His certainty, expressed before every batter in the ninth inning, that Lee was coming out of the game. Lee hadn’t lost an inch off his fastball, threw 122 easy pitches total, as the Yankees never put two men on base in an inning until they were down 6-0 in the ninth and Rollins made an error. “He’ll pitch to Damon, but not Teixiera.” “He’s pitching to Teixiera because he’s struck him out twice, but he won’t pitch to Rodriguez.” He finally shut up when even he realized he could no more grasp this game than an African swallow can grasp a bowling ball.

Game One Tim McCarver Moment, Joe Buck Division—When describing Chase Utley’s night, Buck noted Utley was the first left-handed batter to hit two home runs off a left-handed pitcher in a World Series game since Babe Ruth in 1928. Joe then added, “Of course, Ruth did it for the Yankees, and Utley for the Phillies.” Thanks for providing that deep insight, Joe.

Behind the Scenes at The Home Office

Watching Game One of the World Series last night, the Spousal Equivalent, weary of my constant carping about Tim McCarver's "expert" analysis, finally asked if there was anything he could say that would satisfy me.

“Sure,” I said.

“What?”

“My heart! My heart!”