Standing Up

People like Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder don’t get to be the enormous pricks they are in a vacuum. (Note that I said Snyder is an enormous prick, not that he has an enormous prick. I’m writing only about what I have seen evidence of, and that evidence strongly indicates his prickiness in public may well be an attempt to disguise certain underaccomplishments not readily visible.) They are surrounded with enablers, human remoras who derive their sustenance by supporting the big dog in whatever he feels like doing.

Today’s example is Redskins defensive backs coach Jerry Gray. Two weeks ago word leaked out that Gray had interviewed for the head coaching job. Nothing wrong with that in general, except that the position was occupied at the time by the man Gray worked for, and it could reasonably be assumed owed some allegiance to. Gray denied the report at the time; Redskins’ PR amended his reply from “no” to “No comment.” Former Steelers coach Bill Cowher has publicly stated more than once that he wouldn’t talk with organizations who had a coach in place; Gray interviewed for his boss’s job, denied it, and still looked the man in the eye at work each day. That’s chutzpah. It’s also a distinct lack of class.

The best part is, Gray has as much chance of getting Zorn’s job as you or I do. Snyder interviewed him solely to comply with the NFL’s Rooney Rule, which requires teams to interview at least one minority candidate before hiring a new coach. Now the way has been cleared for Snyder to hire Mike Shanahan, or whoever else catches his eye. Gray will be but a memory: any new coach will want his own staff, certainly not some holdover who has already proven he can’t be trusted.

Gray symbolizes the toadies who empower the prick at the top; Albert Haynesworth personifies those who are empowered by him. Haynesworth is a defensive tackle, arguably the best in the game at disrupting running plays. When he feels like it. He felt like it more often than not for most of the season, though he rested himself on his own schedule and suffered an unusual number of niggling injuries for someone his size. (Except for him, based on his history.)

Two weeks ago Snyder hired Bruce Allen as new General Manager, thus closing the door all but officially on Jim Zorn’s tenure as coach. Suddenly Albert’s a malcontent. He arrived late for practice on Christmas Day and was sent home after a confrontation. He was quoted as saying “we need somebody to lead us in the right direction.” Haynesworth then addressed the leadership issue in his own way, encouraging his teammates to arrive late to practice on Christmas Day to protest the early start.

Albert also doesn’t care for how he’s being used, as he told The Washington Post’s Jason Reid: “…you can only do so much within the system that's put around you. And I'm not talking about the players.” When asked if his $100 million contract ($41 million guaranteed) bestowed some sort of leadership mantle, Haynesworth replied, “A contract don't make you, as far as leadership. I've never been a guy that wants to talk or get in front of the team and say whatever…I don't even want to be a captain and go out there in the middle for the coin toss because the other team is the enemy.” His reticence clearly doesn’t include not running his mouth to the media.

Late season frustration? Sure, though Haynesworth’s acting out coincides suspiciously with Snyder’s hiring of Allen, which sealed Zorn’s status as lame duck. With an owner like Snyder, coaches like Gray and teammates like Haynesworth, who’s to blame a player for not giving himself up for the team? It’s not like too many people will have your back.

Jim Zorn appears to be a good man who is in over his head as head coach. Jason Campbell has been a trooper, and has shown some skills that might make him a serviceable quarterback for a team with a clue. They, and a good many other players, deserve better than to be in the uniformed insane asylum that passes for a football team in Washington.

This Could Be Fun

Baltimore's future practice squad players beat Washington's future practice squad players 23-0 last night in the initial exhibition--excuse me--pre-season game for each team. Pre-season football is usually below my radar, but one thing about this result gives me hope for the future.

I can imagine Redskins owner "Chainsaw" Danny Snyder standing in his luxury box with that look on his face he gets when the Redskins are taking the pipe. Few things in life give me more unadulterated pleasure than seeing Danny get the red ass.

If the Redskins stink, this football season could be a lot of fun.

The Danny

I love rooting against the Washington Redskins. Not the Redskins themselves so much as their owner, Chainsaw Dan Snyder. (A nod to Gregg Easterbrook of ESPN.com’s Tuesday Morning Quarterback for the “Chainsaw Dan” sobriquet.) It was hard to root against the Redskins when that meant rooting against Joe Gibbs, but now that Gibbs has retired again, let the games begin.

Rarely has anyone made cheering his demise as easy as Chainsaw Dan. He stepped up right away with the current job search. Gibbs hired Assistant Head Coach – Defense Gregg Williams four years, with a strongly rumored understanding that Williams would be the Head Coach in Waiting. (The Redskins invented bloated coaching titles. On any other team, Williams would be the Defensive Coordinator. Granted, he can get pretty defensive when anyone questions his methods, but that’s a different story. Don Breaux, the Offensive Coordinator, is third on the offensive coaching depth chart, behind the Associate Head Coach – Offense, and the Assistant Head Coach – Offense. The Redskins were also the first to hire a Quality Control Coach. The team has made the playoffs three times in the past eleven years. That guy should definitely be renting.)

I digress. Assistant Head Coach – Defense Head Coach in Waiting Williams has been interviewed by Chainsaw Dan four times in the three weeks since Gibbs re-retired. This is after watching him work every day for four years. If ever anyone is looking for an excuse not to hire someone, this is how you do it. Sooner or later Williams will get pissed off, pass gas, or pick his nose in an interview, and Snyder will have his reason. Unless, of course, Chainsaw Dan only wants to keep Williams hanging long enough for all other coaching vacancies to be filled, thus preventing him from coming back to haunt the Redskins for at least a year.

In related news, the current coaching staff was finally called by Gibbs sixteen days after his retirement with updates on their status. This is the first any of them has heard from anyone in the Redskins’ hierarchy about their jobs. Like Williams, their contracts run through this season, so they won’t be sleeping in cardboard boxes under the Sousa Bridge any time soon, but still, this is classless.

So far we’ve established why you might root against Snyder: he’s an asshole. To his credit, he goes out of his way to make it easy for you, so he’s also a douche bag.

Earlier this week, the Washington Post reported that former New York Giants head coach and Robin Williams look-alike Jim Fassel was the front runner for the Redskins’ head coaching job. This prompted a storm of protests from fans to the Post web site, and sports radio stations. One day later, Fassel was no longer acknowledged by the Redskins as their front runner. The reason given: poor fan reaction.

This is why the Redskins win every off-season and suck the rest of the year. It’s all about the media, and the spin. Snyder made his billions in marketing; he talks people into buying stuff they don’t need for a living. He sells out that white elephant of a ballpark by whipping the fans into frenzy of high expectations every year with flashy free agent signings and coaching changes, then weathers the storm all year when they alternately suck, or play barely well enough to make the playoffs. (This year’s combination of things breaking exactly as they had to would, in a different context, be more than enough for Shrub to justify invading China.)

The best thing about sports is that the true bullshit stops when the teams take the field, rink, floor. Sooner or later, someone has to hitch up his jock and kick ass, or go home. Snyder doesn’t get this. He still thinks he’s so smart he can market other teams into laying down for him like they’re rednecks who can barely make the rent on the trailer who think they need a hemi to drive to the bank to cash their welfare check. It hasn’t worked, and it won’t. Which leaves me with endless vistas of enjoyment spread before me, watching the petulant look Chainsaw Dan gets in the owner’s box every time the Redskins disappoint him yet again.