Inside Football (Inside a Cell, that Is)

Norman Chad is best known for providing the “expert” commentary on ESPN’s poker broadcasts. He also writes a weekly sports column that never fails to amuse. The end of each column are Chad’s (aka Couch Slouch) replies to readers’ emails. Particularly worthy emails win a prize of $1.25, paid by The Slouch’s secretary, Shirley.

The following is yesterday’s email exchange. It doesn’t get any better than this

Ask The Slouch (Special Bengals edition)

Q. If Bengals owner Mike Brown spotted one of his players on "America's Most Wanted" and subsequently gave information as to his whereabouts, would his reward money be subject to the NFL's revenue-sharing agreement?

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

Q. When is the Bengals organization going to get with the times and change the stripes on their Bengal Tiger logo to white and black?

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

Q. Will the Bengals have to go to no-huddle next season so their players can avoid associating with known felons?

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

Q. Would it kill Pacman Jones to make it a Blockbuster night every once in a while?

A. Pay the man, Shirley. (I consider Pacman Jones an "honorary Bengal.")

Slouch Rules!